Sunday, September 11, 2016

Update...about as witty as i'm going to get today

Hi, everyone! I know it's been ages but I wanted to try and get an update out. First I wanted to thank everyone for their patience in my replies. I'm hanging in! It hasn't been an easy few months and this post may not be the easiest to read.  

Honestly, I have more bad days than good and for the first time, I understand how some cancer patients just don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired, tired of not being able to eat, tired of throwing up, tired of being in excruciating pain, tired of so many other things I will not mention. Tired of feeling guilty for not being able to return calls or text or even leave the house. Let me just lay it out is difficult to breathe sometimes so talking on the phone is very difficult. Not to mention it increases my nausea. On top of my phone taking a crap it's not easy for me to always respond to text either. My favorite text are the ones that end need to respond just know I'm thinking of you! Thank you. I love everyone and am so blessed to have so many people that care for me so hopefully my update will help some to not take it so personally when I do not call back or ask for them to communicate with Kat or Andre.

So now that I got that off my chest...what have I been up to?!? Not much of anything but trying to fight this cancer! Good news is according to my new oncologist my scans are looking better. My last brain MRI showed 4 sizeable tumors instead of over 10. So that's pretty great! My lungs are starting to look like nothing but scare tissue and fluid. No noticeable "defined" tumors. The fluid is supposedly the bodies response to dying cancer. That is a good thing but feels like phenomena and drowning with my ribs popping out of place. Good times ;) My liver and adrenals are now looking clear but I do have a new tumor on my left kidney. However, the doc pointed out that half of it was grayer than white which in his eyes means it's already half dead. 

As some of you may be aware I spent a week in the hospital in August. I had been feeling pretty horrible for a few weeks. I was unable to keep anything down, was jaundice, and was in constant stomach pain. Finally, when my labs revealed that my Bilirubin level was 12.4 I headed straight the the ER.  I was admitted immediately and was scheduled for an ERCP.  The scans were showing inflammation but it didn't look like I had any gallstones. When they got in my bile duct was so inflamed that they placed a stint. Luckily my liver, pancreas, and gallbladder all looked ok.  

I was starting to feel a lot better after my release and was able to eat some solid foods and had some more energy to get around. I was hoping I was on the upswing! Well, that didn't last long. Let's just say Andre's new name for me is Reagan..yes as in the Exorcist! Ha..poor thing if it wasn't projectile vomit coming out of my mouth it was screaming and cuss words that probably do not exist. Other than waking up with a chest tube after having part of my lung removed I do not recall ever being in so much pain. Ha, and I've had multiple surgeries and been hit by a car! I seriously thought I was dying and wanted to die all at the same time. Thankfully it abruptly ended as quickly as it started after about 45 minutes. I, fortunately, have not had the same intensity of pain but I'll have a flare that keeps me bedridden and miserable for 2-4 hours sometimes. Sometimes it entire days that I have a hard time getting off the couch. 

I can not express my gratitude enough for the fundraiser and all of the support! Andre being able to be by my side and not work for a few weeks has been a God send. My guardian angle Gaga has stepped up in so many ways as well. One being hiring Katie..aka Katharine...aka Kat Thomas to be by my side none stop. Many of you have spoken to her as she has helped keep people in the loop. I hate calling her my assistant because she is so much more and has become a dear friend and caregiver. 

Ok..I know this isn't my usually happy update! Just know I'm still positive and fighting! My oncologist says we are in the home stretch and predicts I will be in remission by the end of the year. Hey...from his mouth to God's ears! I have all the faith that I can beat this and I will. I just need to weather the storm a little longer.  So please bear with me as I try to recover and deal with getting hit by a double CAT 5 hurricane!